Dancing with Pirates
by Experiment Designation Nova
Summary: A two shot, starring a displaced 21st century Ivanna Kellman in 16th -17th century Britain and Pirate England. Part 1- is told from Ivanna's point of view. Read and review.


Drunk men wailed and belted out tunes at tables, hookers of the Middle Ages sat nearby ready the aquaint themselves need be to those men. I pushed through the crowded bar. Tavern, I reminded myself, bars back home had better company. One hand to many found their way in my direction slidding out of their grasp my destination grew near. _His_ first mate sat with one his lap and the other hanging off his arm.

"Lass, what can I do fer ya?" William smiled.

If not for the hookers I would have found him a respectable man, clearly I was in this time period to long I've begun to speak like them. Dear lord! I hope I don't smell like them! But he is a pirate, so he never was respectable, unless he's a respectable pirate. Odd thought process, moving on. William had the most charming (oh no! No I sound like a girl!) curly brown hair, the beginning of a mustache and lean figure.

"Maybe she wants to join." Don't want to catch what you already have, "maybe she wants hints on how to get along in the business."

They cooed with each other and I stared blankly at them. Turning to William I said, "where is your Captain?"

He pointed to an almost invisible niche at the far end of the room. I nodded my thanks, glanced at the _wonderful_ ladies that would soon be on their merry way before navigating the drunken waters of this god awful pungent bar. The smoke was so stale that it looked yellow and the putrid smells had their own visible colour. I needed out of here.

The niche turned out to be much bigger, as in a room bigger. Without knocking I pushed own the door and gagged. Sitting on _his_ lap were two, the words I could use, whores with one having her tongue down _his_ throat both topless. Dear lord give me strength. The one with her tongue in her mouth winked and waved at me.

Smiling and turning to the door I stated, "The whore says hello."

She giggled and turned to _him_ apparently it was her turn. I wonder if she would die if I threw my Louboutin heel at her. Probably, but I love those shoes. However, scarifices must be made for the greater good or in this case allowing another hooker to get a job.

"Love." his voiced flitted throwing the air.

"Damn, couldn't you have called me lass that way I could have called you ass and I would have rhymed!" I whined, sighing I took him in.

Emerald green eyes and golden blonde hair. Flawless skin, angular face, lean figure and a nice sculpted chest. Damn, why did all the asses have to be the hot as hell ones. It wasn't fair!

"I was not raised to be rude and therefore I must say hello, despite the fact that it pains me so, to whore no. 1 and no. 2." Both girls scrunched up their already more than hideous faces at me before giving me a once over and sniffing in disdain. Clearly mirrors had yet to reach the bottoms of the garbage cans they inhabited.

"Lass" he started, "Ass" I finished smiling pleased at the rhyme.

"You raped me and then married me and thought I was going to do what? Sit down and be a doll. Oh hell nah!" And then I broke into a smile, I had an epiphany,"you married me. Which means by law everything you own belongs to me. So if you want to keep on playing with Thing 1 and 2 do not be surprised if you wake on an abandoned island with no ship and no crew."

Before he could respond a slightly lamed man walked in the room crooning, "Is there anything else Captain Kirkland?"

"Do you have vodka?" He nodded before disappearing and returning with swiftness rivaling a cheetah, bottle in hand.

I took it from him, at his look is turned to Captain Kirkland cooing softly, "Put it on his tab."

"_William_," I called as I left the room "_it's time to go. Captain's orders_."

I glanced at Arthur with a lopsided smile who had shoved both girls off his lap, from their cries, and followed me outside. Gesturing behind me at the door I batted my eyelashes cooed innocently, "What's the rush love? Why don't you stay and play awhile."


End file.
